Chapter 15, Alexis

Oh my god. Why did I say that? Why did I tell him I was pregnant? I'm not.


"You're...you're what?" He's looking at me in shock. I don't blame him. I'm shocked too.

"Pregnant. Can I please stop saying it now?"

He swallows. "Oh my god."

"Justin? Are you okay?"

"Oh my god."

"Justin?"

"Oh my god."

"Baby?"

"But...but I used a condom."

"Condoms can break."

"Oh my god."

"I'm so sorry."

"This is all my fault."

"What?"

"It's all my fault. I wanted to, and we did. I pressured you, I'm so sorry."

"What? No you didn't. This was both our decisions."

"Oh my god."

"Okay, Justin, breath, okay? Just breath."

He nods. He's had the same expression on his face since I said it. There's fear, regret, worry, everything in his eyes. "I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault."

"Oh my god!" All of a sudden his expression goes from shocked to angry. He turns and slams his fist into a locker. "Oh my god!"

"Justin..."

"How could I be so stupid?! I should have been more careful! We shouldn't have even done it! Oh my god!" He's almost shouting, and some people are starting to look.

I go over to him. "Justin, calm down. It's gonna be okay."

He turns to look at me. "How can you say that? We have to go through this. We're in high school. We can't... I can't... You can't..." He stops and looks away. He holds his head. He's upset, and I can tell that he's furious with himself. "I'm so so sorry, Alexis."

"Baby, we're gonna get through this. We're gonna be fine, okay?"

"I'm only 16. I can't be a father at 16. I'm 16. I can barely drive, I can't be a dad."

"Well, I'm only 16, and apparantly I'm a mom." Why am I lying to him?! I'm not pregnant!

He sighs. "Well, we'll have to go through this together. I'm going to stick with you through this. Every step of the way."

He's so sweet. That's why I love him so much. "Thank you."

"I'm sorry."

"I know. We're gonna be late for homeroom. Let's go to class, okay?"

He nods numbly. "Okay."

I have no idea why I'm lying to him. I don't know why I said that. I know for a fact that I'm not. I bought a test right after I left his house, just to make sure. And I'm most definately not pregnant. I follow him into homeroom and slump into my seat. I feel like crap. I hate lying to Justin. I hate it. I want to stop, but it's too late. I've already said it. I don't pay attention during homeroom. Justin and I don't talk. I just sit there, and Justin's just staring sraight ahead. He looks really pale. I feel so bad for him.

The bell rings, and I leave. I don't wait for Justin to walk me to class, and he doesn't say anything about it. I slowly make my way to history and sit down in my seat.

Christian looks over at me; he sits right beside me. "Alexis, do you know what's wrong with Justin? I saw him in the hallway and he looked like he was gonna be sick."

I think back to when I told him. His face, was it what-the-hell-is-going-on shock, or was it regretful I-have-to-end-this-relationship shock? "No," I say, shaking my head. "No idea."