Chapter 16, Justin

"Justin, dude, are you okay?" Christian's waving his hand in my face, trying to get my attention. "You look like you're about to throw up."


I sigh. "Yeah, I kinda feel like it."

"What's wrong? Alexis seemed kind of out of it today, too. Are you guys having issues or something?"

"Nah, I just, maybe, I don't know." We're sitting at lunch. We would normally be sitting with Alexis and Alyssa, but I pulled Christian over to a different table. I'm ashamed of myself and I don't want Alexis to be around horrible person like me. I'm not as horrible as Ryan, but still horrible. Then it hits me. Alexis is pregnant. Ryan hit her. Ryan hit her after Alexis and I had sex. Which means he hit her while she was pregnant. Which makes me really, really angry.

"Dude?"

"What? Oh, sorry."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"No. Dude, something happened."

"What? Is it about what happened with Ryan? Alyssa told me about that."

"No, it's something different."

"Well, what is it?" He's getting impatient.

"Alexis is pregnant."

"What?"

"You heard me."

He just sits there, then he throws an ice cube at me. "You idiot!"

"Hey!" I exclaim, blocking the ice cube with my hand. "It's not my fault!"

"Yes it is!" He looks at me like I'm stupid. "How could it not be your fault? Wait... Is it another guy's?"

"No, it's mine. But we used protection. I don't know how it happened."

"You know, those things are only 99.9% effective."

"Yeah, now you tell me."

"Well, there's not really anything you can do, is there?"

"Nope."

"Wow."

"I know. Ryan hit her while she was pregnant."

"He hit her?"

"Yeah. When we were trying to get him away from Alyssa. She opened the door and he hit her, and she hit her head really hard and lost a bunch of blood. Ryan doesn't remember any of it."

"Oh my gosh."

"Yeah."

"Well, I'm sure he didn't mean to."

"But he still did it. And that's all that matters."

Chrsitian sighs. "Justin, dude, I know you love her, and I know you care about her, especiallynow that she's, you know, but don't you think you might be overreacting, just a little bit, about the Ryan thing?"

"Overreacting? Overreacting?! He hit her, Christian! He hit her hard and put her in the hospital! He pushed me and knocked me out cold! And he could've hurt Alyssa!"

"I understand, but, just, he's your best friend."

"WAS my best friend. Past tense. Not anymore."

"Dude."

"What?!"

"Nothing. Nevermind."

"Whatever. So, how am I gonna handle this?"

"What? The thing with Alexis?"

"Yeah. I'm only 16."

"So is she."

"I feel like crap."

"I would too. Oh, dude, she's walking this way."

"What?" I sit up and look where Christian's looking. Alexis is on her way over here.

"Hey," she says. "Why didn't you sit with me today?"

"Oh, uhm, I just, uhm... Christian needed to talk to me about something." I look at Christian and give him a go-along-with-it look.

He catches on quickly. "Uh, yeah, I needed to ask Justin about something."

Alexis looks skeptical. "Oh, really? What?"

Christian looks at, and I shrug. "Uhhh..." He thinks for a moment, then suddenly I can tell he has an idea. "About this girl. You see, there's this girl, and she's really hot, and I want to-"

Alexis cuts him off. "Nevermind! I don't wanna know!"

He smiles. "Well, okay, but you asked."

"And I'm sorry I did."

"Anyway," I say.

Alexis nods. "Yeah, anyway. I wondered why you didn't sit with me. I was worried that you were mad at me."

"Mad? Why would I be mad at you?"

"Because of... you know..."

"I'm not mad. Hey, you wanna ditch the rest of the day?"

"I can't. I can't miss any more school, or Kate will kill me. Especially now..."

"I'm sorry. Don't hate me."

"Oh, I could never hate you."

"I know. I am pretty awesome."

"Don't push it." She smiles, and I smile back.

Christian clears his throat. "Well, I think I'll just go then."

Alexis jumps a little. I think she forgot he was there. "No, I'll go. You two were talking, I inturrupted."

"Alexis-" I want her to stay. I want to kiss her, to hold her. But I can't. I'm afraid to touch her, afraid I'll do something wrong. I already got her pregnant. I don't want to do anything else.

"No, it's fine. I gotta go anyway. Bye Justin, bye Chrsitian."

"Bye," Christian says, his mouth full of potato chips.

"Oh, and Justin, I love you."

"I love you too."

She walks away, and I lay my head down on the table. "I am such an idiot," I groan.

"Yeah," says Christian. "You are."

Why did this have to happen to me?